The Dawn is Breaking
Life has to return to normal at some point. I can't just stay curled up on the couch avoiding outside and life in general. I am not spiraling into a void of depression, just grieving. I just needed sometime to myself to have a good cry. I don't really want or need sympathy but I am not ashamed to admit its been difficult being so far away, and I hate to say it, alone. I am not an island but I live on one far far away.
But I am recovering. I imagine that everyone at home is doing the same.
My grandfather was a good man. I got to know him, I think the best, on our cross country road trip together. I had to get the Miata from California to Florida and didn't really want to do it alone. In steps my grandfather, he flew all the way to California to drive with me for three days back to FL. At times there was no radio, no CD player and in some places nothing to even look at for hundreds of miles.
There was nothing to do but drive and talk. I think I learned a lot about my grandfather on that trip, perhaps even a lot about the world. He was an amazing person. He had seen and done so much and always managed to do it with a smile on his face. Raising his children, working multiple jobs, suffering set backs, he had seen and done things and always with pride. Often when we become wise we become more somber, I think with Pepe when he became wise, he became even more child-like and happy. He enjoyed the good things in life while accepting the bad and moving on.
Even before he was sick, Pepe always had the motto to live each day to its fullest. Cancer didn't seem to phase him, it perhaps broke his stride but only for a moment and then he kept on going. Just like any other set back in his life, it made him pause, but only for a moment and then he started back up with his head held high and a smile on his face.
It was that eternal optimism and drive and work ethic that inspired us all. I not only learned about my grandfather on that trip but also about myself. I don't think you could remain in my grandfathers presence and not be filled with light and inspired to be everything you could be. He never had to tell you to be good, you just wanted to be. Not to impress him, not because you were afraid of him, but simply because it felt right. He lead by example and you never even noticed.
Pepe was always quick with a joke or a laugh. I think I will always remember him sitting in his chair, a can of soda or a bowl of ice cream in his lap laughing that loud honest laugh about some terrible joke he had just made. He was always so vibrant, even at the worst of times.
People always like to say dramatic things, like the world will be a lesser place without someone.
I don't think that the world is a lesser place now that Pepe is gone. I think he touched hundreds of people in his life time and the world will always be a brighter place because he was here. While his brilliant light may have faded away the rest of us are still here, hundreds of tiny lights lit from his flame. Burning brighter because we had the opportunity to be near him and take some of his light.
Today the rain lifted, the clouds burned away under the sun, the birds came out to sing and the day was bright and beautiful. It is as if my grandfather was telling me it's time to say goodbye and to pick up the light and move forward. Sure, take a moment to pause at this set back, but then pick your head up, put a smile on your face and keep morning forward.
But I am recovering. I imagine that everyone at home is doing the same.
My grandfather was a good man. I got to know him, I think the best, on our cross country road trip together. I had to get the Miata from California to Florida and didn't really want to do it alone. In steps my grandfather, he flew all the way to California to drive with me for three days back to FL. At times there was no radio, no CD player and in some places nothing to even look at for hundreds of miles.
There was nothing to do but drive and talk. I think I learned a lot about my grandfather on that trip, perhaps even a lot about the world. He was an amazing person. He had seen and done so much and always managed to do it with a smile on his face. Raising his children, working multiple jobs, suffering set backs, he had seen and done things and always with pride. Often when we become wise we become more somber, I think with Pepe when he became wise, he became even more child-like and happy. He enjoyed the good things in life while accepting the bad and moving on.
Even before he was sick, Pepe always had the motto to live each day to its fullest. Cancer didn't seem to phase him, it perhaps broke his stride but only for a moment and then he kept on going. Just like any other set back in his life, it made him pause, but only for a moment and then he started back up with his head held high and a smile on his face.
It was that eternal optimism and drive and work ethic that inspired us all. I not only learned about my grandfather on that trip but also about myself. I don't think you could remain in my grandfathers presence and not be filled with light and inspired to be everything you could be. He never had to tell you to be good, you just wanted to be. Not to impress him, not because you were afraid of him, but simply because it felt right. He lead by example and you never even noticed.
Pepe was always quick with a joke or a laugh. I think I will always remember him sitting in his chair, a can of soda or a bowl of ice cream in his lap laughing that loud honest laugh about some terrible joke he had just made. He was always so vibrant, even at the worst of times.
People always like to say dramatic things, like the world will be a lesser place without someone.
I don't think that the world is a lesser place now that Pepe is gone. I think he touched hundreds of people in his life time and the world will always be a brighter place because he was here. While his brilliant light may have faded away the rest of us are still here, hundreds of tiny lights lit from his flame. Burning brighter because we had the opportunity to be near him and take some of his light.
Today the rain lifted, the clouds burned away under the sun, the birds came out to sing and the day was bright and beautiful. It is as if my grandfather was telling me it's time to say goodbye and to pick up the light and move forward. Sure, take a moment to pause at this set back, but then pick your head up, put a smile on your face and keep morning forward.
posted by Crystal at 3:56 PM
1 Comments:
Crystal,
Those words you wrote were so special. Very eloquent. You are one heck of a young lady and I know Pepe' thought the world of you. I'm privileged to be your aunt.
Lots of love and peace.
Aunt Debbie
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